More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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