you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
