I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
