before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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