Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
