I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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