Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
