haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
