Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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