I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
