There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
