I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
