another moral hangover. fuck.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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