blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dear god my vagina.
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