I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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