Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
