hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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