i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
