you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
