It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
