So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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