don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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