I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
