last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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