I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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