Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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