Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
