pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
