and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
