He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
