Im at strip club and am horny
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm too high and old for this...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
