He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
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You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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