I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
