haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
