dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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