He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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