I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
