Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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