dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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