i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
