I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
nutella sex= disaster
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
