One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
