4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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