i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
high people should be assigned attendants
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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