The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
