Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
