...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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