Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
