I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
