Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
