2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
