Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
