A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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