My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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