She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
