I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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