I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So here I am, sexting at work.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
