Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You are a genius and a whore.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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