I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Pooping to opera.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
