have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
