i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
