Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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