i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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