The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sext me about skeletons
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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