I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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