Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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