mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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