i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
