Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
PANTIES FOUND
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